Better Man
by prin69
Summary: ...she lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man, she dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...


**I used to be the biggest Beka/Dylan shipper back before I wrote fanfic, when I merely stalked it. I loved them together, and then season 3 happened. So this is a song fic about Beka and Dylan together. But I must warn Beka/Dylan shippers; Dylan is an ass in it. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Andromeda, I just love to play with the characters. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the song used in this fic. It is called "Better Man" and is by pearl Jam. Which I also do not own.**

**Better Man**

Beka sighed as she rolled over in the bed, not surprised that when her arm hit the other side of the bed it fell threw empty space to hit the crumpled sheets. Dylan was late again, and sadly, she wasn't shocked.

_waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop_

Four AM and he still wasn't back from his "meeting". She sat up and hugged her knees to her chest. They had started out so well. In so much love, the kind of love that others envied and was said could never be broken. Maybe it didn't break, but it faded.

_tell him, take no more, she practices her speech_

It can't go on like this she thinks as a tear slips down her cheek. She'll him. When he gets in she'll tell him. 'I can't take anymore. I love you, but it hurts too much. Let me go, it's better this way. Maybe our friendship can still be saved if we stop now, if we end the hurt'.

_as he opens the door, she rolls over..._

But she hears the door swish open and slips back under the covers, her back to him, eyes closed tight. Begging the tears to not slide down her pale, tired features. She can't do it tonight. Tomorrow, tomorrow she'll tell him. Over breakfast.

_pretends to sleep as he looks her over_

It's just too hard, and she's just too tired. She just wants to sleep. She can feel Dylan staring at her. He mumbles her name, and tucks her hair behind her ear. She hears his footsteps walk away, but keeps her breathing easy and eyes shut tight. Shut against the light of the room, shut against his betrayals. She feels the mattress move as he enters the bed, sliding beneath the covers lying next to her. Feels his gaze on her face. His hand reach out to hers, holding it, using it to pull her close. As he whispers her name, alcohol on his breathe, and slowly drifts to sleep. She follows soon after a tiny smile on her face, he makes her feel warm. Maybe she can forgive him.

_she lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better __man..._

She hears what the others say, endures the questions they ask her. Her answers are always the same. She loves him. And they let it go for a while. Harper leaves with a sad look on his face. Telling Trance that she always had dated jerks, he just didn't think Dylan would turn out to be one of them. Rommie avoiding her gaze, avoiding looking at anyone in the room. Tyr watching her with a look of something she couldn't quite place. Sees him glare at Dylan when he acts like nothing is wrong with his relationship with Beka. But Dylan loves her, he must, he always told her so. And he was such a good man, who better could she ask for to take care of her?

_she dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better __man..._

She sees things in her dreams. Pictures their life together before he would go out for hours at a time without her. When he would hold her hand, steer her into rooms by placing his hand on the small of her back, whisper in her ear. When he gave her the looks he now gives Rommie. Back when Rommie and her were friends. Before Dylan was having an affair with his avatar. She dreams of the life they had, and they could have had. She dreams of killing him. Of finding them together in her bed and stabbing them until their blood stains the cream sheets crimson.

_can't find a better man_

She dreams of love and life and death and all that she ever wanted. She dreams of someone better, someone she never thinks she'll find.

_can't find a better man _

_ohh..._

Dylan keeps her safe. He saved her from flash, was there for her and held her threw the cravings. He helped pay her debts off. He loved her. Loves. He loves her, doesn't he? He's a good man, always saving and helping others. Who is she to be hurt by one thing?

_talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know..._

So she keeps it inside, all her pain, all her hurt. Feels the emotions show threw her eyes, knows that Tyr sees, Harper guesses, Trance can tell. But she locks it all back away. No one needs to know. No one needs to know how her hurts her, she lies awake crying until he comes back to their room.

_she tells herself, oh..._

If she leaves him it will tear the crew apart. They'll be torn between them. Stay with him or go with her. She's knows Harper would leave for her. And she can't do that to him. He loves Andromeda. She couldn't ask him to leave for her, couldn't ask any of them to. And she doesn't want them to go with her threw some sense of duty, only to grow to resent her for taking them away from a life of stability and awesome coffee. If she leaves they'll just come after her. And then Dylan will be angry. She's too tired to argue. She's just so tired. It's better this way.

_memories back when she was bold and strong_

She remembers before. Before she fell in love. She never would have taken this from any man.

_and waiting for the world to come along..._

But then she fell for Dylan's, and all he said he'd give her. Love and stability. It was all she ever wanted. He became her life, her world. And she was his once to…

_swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone_

He told her, it must have been true. Except he never says it anymore. The last time was in a fight, to end the arguing. She gave up trying to reason with him. He can have his "meetings" with Rommie. She can have him. Because Dylan hasn't been hers for a long time.

_she lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better __man..._

She can take the looks Andromeda's hologram gives her. Looks of pity, and glares of disapproval shot at Rommie, confusion at how her Captain could act so.

_she dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better__man..._

She can handle living the lie.

_she lies and says she still loves him, can't find a better __man..._

Always telling herself one more day, just one more.

_she dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better __man..._

She can handle lying to herself about how much it really hurts.

_can't find a better man_

He's as good as she can ever hope to have.

_can't find a better man_

_yeah..._

They were so happy once.

_she loved him, yeah..._

_she don't want to leave this way_

If only she could go back. Find out what she did wrong. What she did to make him lose his love for her?

_she feeds him, yeah...that's why she'll be back again_

If she says that she still loves him enough, soon even she'll believe it.

_can't find a better man _

_can't find a better man _

_can't find a better man _

_can't find a better..._

_man..._

**222222222222**

**Hi. Just wanted to say that I love Rommie, and I only used her because I thought that it worked. Rommie had a crush on Dylan at the beginning Andromeda, and didn't like Beka. And this is based early Andromeda, so I thought that she worked nicely as the other woman. **


End file.
